Sarcastic quotes-Youth following

"Ron Paul says that he has a big youth following. You can tell by looking at the guy he's a regular Justin Bieber."
-David Letterman

Hilarious quotes-Snowmobilers

"Newt Gingrich thinks he's the man for the job. He got an important endorsement from Sarah Palin's husband, Todd. He has the all-important 'snowmobilers who wear sunglasses indoors' demographic."
- Jimmy Kimmel

Political jokes-Obama re-elected

In the event Obama does get re-elected in 2012 what would he actually do for the next four years? The only thing he knows how to do effectively as President is run for office and he can't run again in 2016.

Political quotes-Michele Bachmann

Michele Bachmann pulled out of the presidential race and I just want to take a moment and say that Michele gave us a lot of material over the last eight months.

In her concession speech, Bachmann said, "I mean what I say." Then she thanked her speech writer, Popeye.
-Conan O'Brien

Political quotes-Generating enthusiasm

"Political analysts are saying that Mitt Romney is having trouble generating enthusiasm among Iowa voters. Now, ladies and gentlemen, you know you have a problem when people in Iowa find you dull."
-Conan O'Brien

Political quotes-Endorsement of Newt Gingrich

Gary Busey has just withdrawn his endorsement of Newt Gingrich. That's when you know your campaign's in trouble.
-Jay Leno

Political quotes-Arab leaders

''Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made a speech urging Arab leaders to enact real reforms. Halfway through the speech, Arab leaders looked at each other and asked, 'Why is a woman talking?'''
-Conan O'Brien

Political quotes-Mitt Romney

"Mitt Romney was on the 'Today Show' and admitted he likes to read the 'Twilight' books and watch 'American Idol.' If elected, he would be the 1st Mormon and the 1st 13-year-old girl to be President.''
-Jimmy Kimmel

Sarcastic quotes-Political jokes

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
- Henry Cate, VII

Sarcastic quotes-Form of worship

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.”
- Henry Louis Mencken

Political quotes-Nicer people

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy.

The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club.
-Dave Barry

Sarcastic quotes-Politics

Politics, n: [Poly "many" + tics "blood-sucking parasites"]
- Larry Hardiman

Political quotes-Into angels

A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.

- Finley Peter Dunne, Mr. Dooley's Philosophy, 1900

Political quotes-Diagnose

If the person you are trying to diagnose politically is some sort of intellectual, the chances are two to one he is a Democrat.
-Vance Packard

Political quotes-You helped this happen

"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen'."
- Jerry Falwell, said after the Sept 11th attacks.

Sarcastic quotes-Voting

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
- Emma Goldman

Political quotes-Masquerading

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary,1911

Political quotes-Midas touch

Midas, they say, possessed the art of old
Of turning whatsoe'er he touch'd to gold;
This modern statesmen can reverse with ease -
Touch them with gold, they'll turn to what you please.
- John Wolcot

Sexual quotes-Legalize

"The vote on a bill to legalize bisexuality could go either way."

Political quotes-Unqualified

I am working for the time when unqualified blacks, browns, and women join the unqualified men in running our government.
- Cissy Farenthold